Desolation
by funga-fu-fu
Summary: Shiuchi is tired of always waiting for Yuki to say he loves him. So he leaves, without regrets or second thoughts, leaving nothing, but a letter...


Ok, Im sorry for the lack of charecterness, and If I have any grammar and tense errors. My program says I have but I just can't find them 

Declaimer: I dont own anything…

And please enjoy!

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Desolation

**Shuichis Point of view:**

I have always been in this way – stupid and stubborn. The sad thing is that I'm not stupid enough not to realize it. Sometimes, when I sit alone and wait for him, I realize that. I understand that there is no point in waiting for him to show at least a little tenderness, to say those three words, which will make my breath stop and my heart skip a beat. But I persistently continue staying by his side, waiting even when there was no hope for this to happen.

Stubbornness. I showed it countless times, when he was gone. No, don't get the wrong idea. He is always here – one corridor away. Always writing his books, keeping another deadline. I couldn't understand why he became an author as this job drives him mad. Although I kind of understand. May be this is his way to express his emotions? They never appear on his face, but if I sit down and read one of his books I'll probably understand. Or maybe not…

Do you know? I hate him. I really hate him. This feeling suffocates me and kills me. I don't know when my love turned in hatred. In one moment I just stopped, looked around… and realized it. What could possibly be sadder than hating the love of your life?

I wonder if he feels the same way too. I mean, what else could be the meaning of his constant rebukes, offends, and the coldness in his eyes. His eyes…Those icy eyes that had gathered all the rays of the sun. Sometimes when I look at them, I get scared. They are a window to the person's soul, and I doubt that he has one. He had left past events, that he doesn't even remember to destroy him. And I thought he was stronger. Obviously I was wrong. How sad…. He could have been a good person, but now it's too late for that. Sad, isn't it?

I tried again and again to bring back the warmth in his eyes and the love in his heart. Unfortunately, without any success…

I was kind, I hugged him, kissed him, loved him, I told it to him. But he apparently doesn't want to know that such feeling exists. Well, I can't go on like that anymore. I need love. Here I can't receive it. I need to get out of here as soon as possible, because I can feel my heart getting colder and how I begin not to give a damn about the other people. But I don't wanna be like this! I rather go to hell than to turn in to Eiri Yuki!

Because of that, I left a farewell letter next to his laptop, I took my suitcases and left that home, that apartment, the life of a cold person who wouldn't even shed a tear for me. A bittersweet smile made its way across my face. He wouldn't even look for me.

I stopped at the door and looked back for the last time. How many years did I spend here? One, three, five? It didn't matter. I wouldn't miss that place. And I wouldn't step here till the day I die, although I didn't know that it would come too soon.

I got in my heart and left. To where? I didn't know. And I didn't wanna know. Every direction that would take me away from here was good enough.

May be after a week I would return and continue my life as if nothing had happened. But now, I had to get away from that place and go somewhere where no one knows Shuchi Shindou and where the NG director wouldn't find me. Somewhere I could forget about all that shit.

But for one thing I'm grateful to him. He took down the pink glasses that I was looking trough. He made me smarter, stronger and more cunning.

Shuichi Shindou isn't Shuichi Shindou anymore. No, I'm a different person.

It would be hard for you to see the difference. I still act spoiled and naïve in front of the people. But when I'm alone or want something, you can see the wolf gleam in my eyes and the lips that are barely touched by a smile.

Which reminds me of Sakuma – san. May be he had experienced something like that. Something that have changed him forever and turned him into what he is today?

In fact, if I hid in his place, I would be safe. I turned the car and took a new direction.

- Hi, Shu- chan! – He greets me. I only smiled. It didn't took me long time to do him. From the door for the legs, as the saying goes.

Why did I do it? I don't have a clue. This wasn't like me at all. Or, at least, it wasn't. I looked at the sleeping man. Well, I think I'll have a nice week after all.

Yuki got home late the same afternoon. Shuichi wasn't there, Probably he had gone to drink whit his friends as he did so often those days. He felt a little disturbed by that, he didn't want his lover to become an alcoholic.

When he went at his office later this night he found the letter from Shuichi:

" _Farewell, my love!_

_When you'll be reading this, I'll already be far, far away! _

_You may ask yourself: " What is the meaning of this?" _

_Do you know, in the endless nights of expectation I asked myself the same thing over and over again… But on this question I couldn't find an answer!_

… _Only the desolation – heavy and painful! You, of course don't know what is desolation – well, you are about to find out!_

_You'll see the sunrise and sunset alone, you'll go to the cold bed – Alone, without someone to give you real warmth…, you'll watch as the candle burns out – amazingly resembling your fading out soul!…_

_Well, it's time for me to go. I gather the old memories and pieces of my broken heart…, but one is missing! _

_I had forgotten that I gave it to you in the day that you promised to love me until you die!_

_Well, nothing!_

_You can have it as a memory…, because from the endless desolation this is the only left thing … the memory…_

_Of one lost love!"_

Yuki sat down in his chair and sighed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, suppressing the pain in his heart.

He turned on the lap-top. He already knew how to finish the novel he started when Shuichi moved in.

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Ok, thanks for reading, pls review


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